How could I be so blind sided. What have I been so busy in, what the heck was I involved in? Every moment I feel that something’s really calm and the calmness is non other than his patience. The vague patience that he had been holding up increasing the bar of his rage had burst today. I had been so caught up with my part of story that I forgot to look back where I truly belong from. My family’s true standard. In just a blink of an eye, he made me feel that dark side of my life and left out a vivid imagination of how dark could my life be. How miserable I am and pitiful this situation is that I can do nothing about it. My family has no festivals, no rituals that we three members would cheer about not even the new year. I know I will get a lot of wishes but non of them would be from a genuine heart. All the wishes would be like a show piece of the day. I cannot wish for anything new in my life as long as we three are together. As I mentioned earlier about ‘Making a wish and it will come true.’ With the same instincts I make a wish this
31st December hoping and just hoping….
It is 11 pm now but my wrist watch shows it’s just 7.30. It’s probably because its battery is dead but it feels like the watch is conveying me a message. a message for me to stop and begin again. Suppose you score 100 out of 100 in your Chemistry’s test. A rumor came out saying that you scored 100. For 10 days after hearing this rumor you leap out with joy but on the 11th day if you come to find out that you scored just 90 then how would you feel? Obviously you’d feel bad. But how long would you feel bad about it? For me it would be maximum for 4 days but what after the 4th day? …. Life would be back to normal, wouldn’t it? So in those 14 days we remain both delighted and dull but what matters the most is you were happy for a long moment. Even if you couldn’t do best but at least you were happy on the belief that you did best, your wish came true or it may come true. It’s not necessary that everything you either wish or dream for has to come true but at least we could use this happiness and satisfaction from hope that arose from our wish. Based on this story of Amandeep Singh I’ve decided to make a wish. I don’t know if it would come true but I could a least gain a hope. A hope to strive to make my wish come true. A hope to bring a small smile from the corner of my heart.
I want to face struggles in my life. I want to knock down all my pains and struggles so that a day would come when I would have the guts to not look back at anybody, back at any place. The people of my company(esp. society) always disgusts me. I don’t say that I’m the ideal person on earth who is not disgusting. I might also be disgusting for someone else but not as much as all the people around me. it seems like people around me are mentally sick. It doesn’t seem , actually it is. I have always made compromises and will have to make for certain years due to this society because I spend too much time on thinking what will others think, how will they react if they will know the other side of me. This bondage has always stopped me for living my life. I want to break this classical agreement of compromises and set new rules. Rules in which we just owe our lives to ourselves and not to the society. But who is the society? Who are these people? I haven’t met any one of them personally but their dark shadow cast on our lives since ages. I believe that I and You make the society and just with genuine instincts we can turn the people of society to we, the society.
I’ve been pondering a lot lately, glancing at things that don’t even exist. I’ve been inspired from Taylor Swift. The way she enjoys writing songs and practices them over piano which made a strange feeling at a corner of my heart. A spotless corner which is not paid much attention to. I’m feeling dizzy not because of weakness but because this feeling is making me relentless. I feel like I’m losing my heart to something, not a person but to this feeling. I’m totally speechless regarding this feeling. I’m incompetent to describe this feeling.I can sense that something is not right in my life. All the people around me, all the books, my bed…….
Why do I feel like I’m wasting my time. I’m feeling like I’m not utilizing my patience, my love for writing, for imagining. I’ve been caught up with the fifty shades of my life. I can compare my life to this lyrics, “What is this life if full of care? we have no time to stand and stare.” I have spend my life caring about things that wouldn’t even matter in my life but I’ve wasted so much time that I had forgotten to breathe and flourish in the moment. I forgot to sing songs without words that seems vague but to me it strikes a chord. Every note of the song make every inch of my heart rapture. I’ve wasted so much time to realize this, that I’m made not for a desk job but for writing. writing by pouring my heart out. I have finally found my muse and that’s my pen.