Speaker and listener

Friendship is supposed to go both ways. It’s just how communication works but with friends you can share whatever that you feel at your heart. It’s the bond of bravery where you can really tell your friend that you are not feeling okay. It’s not the combination of one speaker and one listener. Both of them are supposed to have both skills at all times. That’s what friendship is truly about. Being best friends with people but not being able to share what’s been bugging you really feels worthless. There are many speakers out there and also many listeners, I can’t argue with that. But the perfect combination is hardly visible. There is always some kind of imbalance in the listener and speaker. One possesses one quality little too much. A speaker isn’t much of a listener and a listener doesn’t really open up to speak. The speaker is always at advantage of getting someone to share to, but the listener loses his/her voice looking at other people speak. Is it true that the best listeners aren’t that good at sharing feelings like the speaker?

How comforting it would be if one day the speaker offered his listener friend to speak and they would listen to everything the listener has to say all day long patiently without interrupting. In my case, I would love for that to happen. However, I never did find someone to whom I could share it. Although I do listen for someone but the feeling’s not mutual. It’s totally okay because we grew up in completely different backgrounds and it’s okay not to feel the same way that I do. It’s funny how my friend never wonders why I don’t share if not less, the way she does. That doesn’t mean we are not good friends, because we are. I am not afraid of sharing my emotions with my friends. What scares me is the disappointment that I feel understood after sharing them. Like my voice just disappeared into thin air and made no sense to anyone. There were a whole of three people in my life to whom I tried sharing just exactly what I used to hold back in my heart. They heard everything exactly what I said but I guess they weren’t able to comprehend it my way. Perhaps it’s not the people who don’t understand me, it’s me who is unable to express my feelings. Hence, I have stopped looking for faces with a hope that maybe they would some day get what I really mean, the way they share things about themselves. The fear of not being understood is what holds me back all the time from expressing myself and just letting it go. I can’t help but wonder what people would think about me if I told them. So it becomes easier for me to just write it down and not say it face to face because I know this article is going to keep my words safe somewhere. And by default if you’ve really read upto this then thank you for tolerating me, I guess. 

Unhiding hidden emotions

Promises are made to be broken. Statements are given and taken back but the power to reflect back on our deeds always invites guilt and doesn’t seem to back off. We are never who we say we are. We are always hiding behind our words and actions. Our present status compels us to lie about our past. We are over cautious and representer of our mischievousness in an artificial way to make it look innocent. People hide behind masks intentionally and sometimes even unintentionally. We overlook and judge our emotions to jump to a conclusion that seems flawless in the eyes of spectators. We can’t help ourselves to think about what will people think if they find out. In a manner to protect our emotions, we embed them deep inside the dark corner of heart. But we all have a flaw in ur code. The embedded emotions are traced out from the same corner of heart by our own subconscious. But what a pity, a long time has elapsed since the emotions were embedded which makes us regret and feel guilty about whole hiding plan of emotion. We go back in time and think if we had cared enough for this emotion without hiding it then we could’ve been feeling differently. We could have been wearing lesser masks. People make vague decisions towards their feelings, pretending it to be a rational one. The vague decisions are what haunts us today. One should try befriending with emotions instead of hiding them away. The hidden emotions are what makes us perplexed to be understood. Neither to a family nor to a diary and nor to dark corner of heart, our emotions are ours and are not meant to be misunderstood or misinterpreted. Misunderstanding amongst a group of people can invite war but misunderstanding our feelings and emotions can make us a mad man. All I ask you all to learn to be expressive to your mind and not care about the opinion of people on what they think.

FS