Letters from Revolutionary Road

Dear April,

We can never imagine the amount of grief you had to bear. Especially as a housewife, the stipulation to live life in mediocrity and never get to become anything more. Not getting to do what you want; unable to grab the freedom to choose the things you love.

Dear Frank, 

Could you not feel the pain in her silence, the disappointment that she gets from you each time she hopes to live life with you to the fullest. All you make out of her persona is a maternity staff who loiters around your house like a shadow but literally wants to shine in the city lights. Could you not figure out that a bird is meant to be for the sky and only come back to the ground to rest but not to live. It’s cliché to think you would understand for you never had to live a day in her shoes. Whenever you scream and she suppresses her will, a little of her goes numb inside. The pain proceeds the next day when you pretend everything is as it was before and you never try to make it up to her. Maybe she needed you to feel what she felt like inside when she pleaded with you to notice not just her but her heart.

Dear Reader,

The pain that comes within when you suppress your voice, your wishes, feels like living a dead life. A life with no will of your own and making rules that have no backbone or rational explanation to support them. Deep down when you accept that mediocrity is what life is meant to be then all your dreams make you believe that what you thought you could achieve was insane. The fear of choosing the path that will lead you to the road of your dreams is greater than the fear of not getting to do what you love. Words left unsaid and dream left unfulfilled lead to hopeless emptiness. A road trip to such a despondent place of your heart where you forget to live and are afraid to take the jump. Only if you dared to mend things and take back your actions, you would have ended differently.

We always have been a dreamer and hopeful in our life. There never has been a phase where we would have considered some professions or studies as morbid ones, the things where we never would have wanted to end up to. The things we felt were lifeless when we were young at heart are the things we have considered a way of living today, an important aspect of keeping the pot boiling.

Don’t accept your life to be of mediocre level because it won’t hide the truth that you are capable of leading a wonderful life. It will lead you to a con life, a life of cloudy lies that suppresses the truth beneath. The truth never gets suppressed by it but you just get better at hiding it.

Realisation of midnight

I got too engulfed in my world that I forgot what is out there. I set my boundaries and limited myself to socialise with people. Maybe just because I didn’t want people to bother with my problems. But I have drifted apart from everything I can think of. Evergreen was my life and I can’t look back at it again. I guess staying an introvert does that to you. I am too distracted to focus on my career, my family and my friends. I don’t even know what my dreams are anymore and what makes me happy. I stare at the lights that come from different houses at night from my rooftop thinking that maybe someday, I will shine as bright especially in the dark. Sharing this with anyone won’t make me less empty because people will say that this too shall pass when I know very well that it will not, ever.

“Is someone in the crowd the only thing you really see?
Watching while the world keeps spinning 'round?
Somewhere there's a place where I find who I'm gonna be
A somewhere that's just waiting to be found”

At times like these, a voice sings these lyrics inside my head.

Scars of friendship

I wait just like the same old days for my friends to reach out and predict the grey skies above my head.
Spent my time loitering around looking for new friends but my path led me back to the same old road instead 
They lead me to you but when we’re together I feel I am someone you folks don’t want around
Message upon messages but none concerned my presence and it doesn’t surprise me for it never does
It partly is my fault-I only miss them when I am feeling low
Will they miss me too and ever let this cause go?

I know we aren’t perfect but I had never been as comfortable speaking as much as I did in our company
We were as bright as the sun, we made each other happy even when we couldn’t fathom the agony
I heard you’re following your dreams and ambitions, guess you found someone who could be the one I couldn’t 
It wasn’t out of the blue when I disappeared but no one noticed me slipping away either 
Was it true my faith was shaken but I still believed in us to stick through every thick and thin
Nevermind I’ll remain in the shadows without your help
Although I wished that I was good enough and I wished you cared enough,
But this day I wish nothing but the best for you all and replay our moments
Because sometimes friends last for a lifetime and sometimes solitude is inflicted upon us.